We only ever want to share the good things. Somehow human nature has programmed us to hide our secrets deep inside. But there are so many bad things that pass through. Not because we’re bad, but because we’re beautifully fallible and if we were immune to negativity, to pessimism and greed and anger, we would never have the chance to grow.
To grow. We also like to end our stories that way: sharing the happy morals. Even if sometimes the moral isn’t so clear-cut.
The fellows have seen the stage. And with the glow of the lights came the heat of envy. Why you and not me, many of us wondered. Why me and not you, more seldom heard. The hard work of one is not always equal to the hard work of another. And as much as we’d like to think that team building brings harmony, most of us are just humans who crave praise and reward in the end.
I fell victim. I grew cold and hot at the very same moment and cried by myself in the corner of the desert. Then I cried harder to think of my own smallness and my wish to be bigger and stronger inside.
This story doesn’t end happily because it hasn’t yet ended. Because my morning rehearsals in my pajamas are still fueled by fear. Because we haven’t seen the next stage yet, and already I’m preparing myself for more anger and jealousy inside. I tell this story as honestly as I can, knowing that I may never be able to be to be 100% honest.
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That last post left me speechless.